College-application process exasperating but instructive

January 25, 2006

By EMMA DREW

I gasped. I swore. I cringed. I cried. I swore some more.

I was rejected -- or rather, I was deferred. That drizzly, dismal afternoon the two were commensurate, equally disheartening and doom-spelling: not getting in meant more waiting.

Besides displaying my devotion and giving me the edge I knew existed, applying for an early decision to Brown University ensured that my extra effort and prompt submission of materials would be met with an equally prompt reply, thus drastically cutting down on the number of anxiety-ridden weeks that induce nightmares for some and mild feelings of nausea for me.

But Brown played its trump card, deferring my application, judging it as a regular application, postponing its decision, leaving me uncertain and unsure of myself, forcing me to exercise my other options and wait until April for confirmation.

As dejected and embarrassed as I felt, I wasn't worried that I would never go to college, never be worth anything, never find where I belong: I was just drained.

The college application process is the pinnacle of high school achievements. If you can get through it at least somewhat successfully, it means the last four years were not in vain and the next four are deservedly yours.

After the sweat and toil of the freshman through junior years, along with the frenzy of the first few months of the senior year and trying to obtain the highest SAT score, those final semester grades are what has come to define high school, at least in terms of what happens after it.

The hours spent participating, practicing and proofreading are squeezed down to their essence into that perfect personal statement, putting your most memorable (or at least mention-worthy) accomplishments on paper.

As much as I abhor the college application process for pitting competing peers against each other, for convincing kids to join clubs just to add one more to their tally, for making it feel like an empty line in a list of extracurricular activities means inadequacy, there is no better, more condensed version of college.

In preparing to even be accepted to a university you have to brainstorm, write, stress, brag of your merits, convince of your worth, take a stance, fill out forms, stress, ask for help, rely on yourself, edit, change and fix everything, stress a little more and make sure it's perfect.

It's the ultimate lesson in every skill needed in college, especially time management and sometimes, humility.

Everyone keeps telling me that being deferred is a good thing -- it means I wasn't totally rejected, and that there is still hope. Seeming to be designed more to toy with my emotions than to help the admissions board properly review my credentials, my deferral gave me a reality check. I'm glad I received this lesson in mild, but painful rejection, but it is too bad it had to come from a college I so desperately wanted to attend.

Somehow, cementing my post-high school plans in December and getting into my dream college would have been almost too easy; when I hit "submit" on my electronic application, it was very anti-climatic. Come April, after three more months of tension and stomach pains, I think I'll be ready and I know it will have been worth the wait.

Hopefully, the next letter I receive from Brown will be accompanied with as many tears as the first one, but with a few less curse words.

(Emma Drew is one of the editors of the Gaucho Gazette, Casa Grande's High School newspaper. She can be reached at gauchogazette@gmail.com.)