Love thy neighbor

This longtime couple is tying the knot. But why move in together when they live across the street from each other?

April 19, 2006

By DANE GOLDEN
ARGUS-COURIER STAFF

They used to be just neighbors. But after dating for seven years, they're getting married this September.

Of course, that's no reason to move in together, they say.

Meet Bob Frye, 45, and Janet Donohue, 43, who have lived across the street from each other for 14 years. He's a widower who has a daughter in high school, and she's divorced with two teenage boys.

And, although they are deeply in love and committed, they think the current living situation suits them just fine.

"I'm a firm believer in 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it,'" said Donohue. "We're at the stage of our lives where I don't think we have to live together to play house, because we do that now."

They're a modern American family, where the variables of lifestyle, living arrangements, multiple parents and property taxes make living across the street a better fit than living together.

First, the lifestyle differences. He likes the house cold, but she keeps hers warm. He likes to wear shorts and Hawaiian shirts; she prefers jeans and sweaters. She's a 49ers season ticket holder; he's a part-time bodyguard for Raiders owner Al Davis.

She's a Democrat.

"And I make Pat Buchanan look like a left-winger," he said.

And then there's the living arrangement.

Frye's daughter Samantha is going away to college next year. But, Frye said, "When she goes to college, her room is still her room."

So for now, Frye lives with his daughter, and Donohue lives with her boys. As it is, the five of them have two living rooms, two dining rooms and six bedrooms between them in their cozy eastside neighborhood. The only difference is that the two halves of the household are across the street from each other.

One of the other reasons for living separate is distinct parenting styles. Frye is more of a disciplinarian, while Donohue is more easygoing.

Also, Frye said, Donohue's boys already have a father who is very involved in their lives. And while Frye gets along great with his stepsons-to-be, he doesn't want to get between them and their father. He's seen a lot of couples in second marriages have problems with conflicting parenting styles.

"I've seen too many people with the 'your kids, my kids' stuff," he said. "This way, I come in, discipline, and leave."

And then there's the finances. Because each of them has owned their homes for many years, their property taxes would quadruple if they were to buy a new, four-bedroom house where all the kids had their own bedrooms.

Will they ever move in together?

"Probably yes," Donohue said, after her youngest boy, Tony, finishes high school.

Even though they live in separate houses, the five have essentially been a family for a long time. They almost always eat together (he cooks at his house, she at hers), but they admit there's an endless running back and forth of pots, pans and garlic salt. They do, however, share one coffee pot each morning, at her house.

They shop for groceries together, with separate bills. Paper for him, plastic for her.

"I was just in Safeway the other day, and one of the checkers said, 'Where's your other half?'" Donohue said. "Because we surprisingly do everything together. We spend our time as a family very often, the five of us."

How has it been dating someone on the same street?

"It's great," Donohue said, because you can sometimes say, "I'm tired of you, go home."

Some of the couples' friends think it's an ideal situation, because as Donohue said, "People are going to argue, people are going to fight, it's human nature. There are times, when we do, that it's just nice to be able to distance yourself that much."

Other friends think their living arrangement is strange.

"A lot of people ask us, 'Well, if you're not going to live together, why get married?'"

The answer?

"Because I am hopelessly in love with him," said Donohue.

In this, Frye feels the exactly same way.

(Contact Dane Golden at dgolden@arguscourier.com)